Things I Would Do For A Klondike Bar: #1

1. Push an old lady into a pile of poo.

Grandma, don’t look so shocked. First of all, you’re walking down the middle of the sidewalk, blocking all pedestrian traffic trying to get by.

Frustrating thing is, you know what you’re doing. Yet you continue to play the “old lady” card over and over and inconvenience others because you have yet to come to terms with your old age. And I’ll be damned to give you my sympathy just because you’re old. Guess what else is old? Cheese, that’s what. I respect cheese, I don’t sympathize with it. I eat it. So there.

That said, pushing you into a pile of poo is really a no brainer for me – especially if you’re blocking my path towards Klondike Bar happiness. Never fear, some poor schmuck will fall for your antics and help you up. Hell, he may even yell at me. And I’m okay with that. I’ll wave and flash my ice cream smeared smile to both of you and still bid you a good day as I walk into the sunset with my Klondike Bar.

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